i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
