I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
