He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
