1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
