how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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