It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
