Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
That was an excessively violent trivia night
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
