My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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