It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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