you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
