His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
