Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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