I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize