I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
