I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Randomize
