Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize