first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
