ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
