how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Congratulations! We have a period
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
