She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
