haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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