Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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