are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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