the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
