Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
