then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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