going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
organizing the empties. That sober.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
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