No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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