i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
