Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
