I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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