Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
