i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
where are you?
Hypothermia
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize