I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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