Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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