Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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