Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
