Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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