Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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