I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
