barbara walters just said penis...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
