shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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