I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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