Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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