so explain again why im purple
no
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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