I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
how does that bad decision feel?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
