I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
