shes about as inviting as chlamydia
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
