I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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