so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
