Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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