You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
