just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
