WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
