Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
