Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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