I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
