I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
i've created a new STD.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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