Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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