how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize