I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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