Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
