i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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