Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
