I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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