Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
