$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
