Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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