I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
