Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
