i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Randomize
