I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
