you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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