covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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