for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
