I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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