is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
