a queef is a wish your heart makes.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My dick has a subreddit
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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